Tales of a Scorched Earth

Big Pimpin'

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 22:00:11 GMT

Got a new camera so tested it out with some pictures of the house!

Kitchen

Hallway

Solarium/Front patio

Living Room

My Bedroom (clearly one of the less impressive parts of the house)

Back Patio

Backyard

Halloween!

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 14:19:23 GMT

This is Caitlin as a geisha, me, and Gina as slutty nurse (during work she was dressed as a slutty cop, which made me feel way better about my costume)

I was trying to strike a Lady Gaga-esque pose and I'm pretty sure this is not it.

Closer-up

Pearl Street

Pearl Street 2

Pearl Street 3

Tue, 20 Oct 2009 15:41:07 GMT

First of all, thanks everyone for the input on my last entry. I'm doing it. I'm so doing it.

But I saw this commercial this morning and had to share that Dani and I did gymnastics with this girl in high school!:

Wed, 26 Aug 2009 15:26:01 GMT

Damn it's been a while. I haven't had time to write the novel that begins with the Spain trip...and still don't. Mostly because I've been trying to devote any free time I've had to writing my next writing assignment, which is supposed to be in today and is not going well. But I am looking forward to writing, and there's definitely some shit I need to get off my chest. So until then.

Mon, 22 Jun 2009 16:39:24 GMT

Holy shit. Fucking miracle, no joke. I didn't have to do the ETG (the alcohol test). Thank you God, who I think I might now believe in.

Longer entry coming later after I get stoned and write it.

Mon, 22 Jun 2009 14:44:12 GMT

Welp, Josh pointed out to me last night that if I'm required to take a UA today (since I got back yesterday), they may not just be testing me for pot - they might be testing me for alcohol too. Um. I'm a total retard for not realizing it, and of course I drank all fucking weekend, so I'm realllllly hoping and praying that I um, still get to go to Spain in three weeks.

But also...this weekend was sooooo much fucking fun and it totally would have sucked to not have drank anything, so there's that too.

Assignment #4

Sun, 07 Jun 2009 19:37:22 GMT

Dearest Pisces, it began, as it usually did. Feeling like the stars are against you? That part was new. That part was new every week (it had to be), but it was the part about feeling at odds with the cosmos that was truly novel for a certain Pisces.

Don’t worry.

The words were deleted as fast as they were typed. Don’t worry. Now that was mindless advice. Not entirely bad advice, necessarily, but it was the how that was missing, and the how was important. People didn’t know how to stop worrying, so they never would, not as long as there were things that could go wrong.

Henry took a sip of lukewarm coffee, but after leaving the mug his fingers failed to return to their familiar positions on the keyboard. He looked at his reflection in the monitor (it was easy with a blank page), and turned one corner of his mouth up at himself.

“Don’t worry, buddy,” he said.

It was time to quit for the day. The look on his reflection’s face told him he’d be no good,
not with this attitude.

***

It was a slow day at Dot’s. Bad weather was always bad for business. The waitresses stood at the bar drinking cappuccinos and flipping through newspapers.

“Five letter word for a healthy lunch choice,” said Sarah.

“Vodka,” said Lindsey. Lindsey was having a bad day.

“Salad, Sarah, come on. I don’t know why you even do those things. We end up giving you 90% of the answers.” Vanessa said, flipping to the horoscope page in her Tribune.

Leo, put on your dancing shoes! It said. Spring is here, and something new and exciting is just around the corner. Don’t turn down any invitations!

Well hot damn, Vanessa thought.

***

Henry sat on a bench outside his apartment building. It was raining. This, at least, was a good sign. He closed his eyes, letting the water pour down his face, feeling each droplet form its own pathway down his cheek, or if one was feeling dramatic, off the tip of his nose. He was waiting for every inch of himself to feel the rain, he wanted to be immersed in it. He stared at a dry spot on his pants, waiting for the cosmos to notice it.

March had, thus far, been a challenging month. The universe seemed to be laughing at him. He
was doing his absolute best to move on, like every sign in the sky was telling him to, yet she kept appearing in his life, like a case of herpes. It certainly didn’t help that the new guy followed her around day and night.

“Oh,” she would say when she saw him, and cringe, embarrassed that again the awkward threesome was forced to make small talk, an activity that was equally painful for all parties involved. And thus, he couldn’t seem to get her out of his mind. Just as she had always been, she was all-consuming, when Henry caught a glimpse of that red hair, red that didn’t hide under any brown or auburn, red that was shamelessly red, fiery lava firetruck red…

Damnit.

Let go, buddy. That advice seemed easy enough to follow. But it wasn’t. He shut his eyes and clenched his fists, drawing air into his lungs, then relaxed, his breath like the tide on its way out.

Finally a droplet, rejected from Henry’s black hair, which had no vacancies, darkened the lone spot of dry fabric.

Smiling, he said “We can work together.” Then he stood up, wrung the water out of his tie, emptied the pools from his shoes, and went inside.

***

Vanessa tapped the toe of her beaded chiffon pumps nervously on the floor, a lump rising in her throat. So it had come to this. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, nothing. Friday she had invited herself out for drinks after work and, depressed by both the lack of invitations and the disappointment of being let down by the Moldable Destiny horoscope, which was, she realized, arguably the best friend she had, she had let a questionable man buy her several more gin and tonics than were strictly necessary.

She woke up Saturday morning to a pounding headache and a bad taste in her mouth, but she was in her own bed, alone (this, at least, was a sign of growing maturity since her college days), and when he called later that day her drooping self-esteem and eagerness to help the universe fulfill her destiny caused her to accept his invitation for dinner.

He called the next day. How desperate is he, she wondered. And then, wait, how desperate am I?

And he was late. How embarrassing.

Tossing a five on the bar for her coffee, Vanessa stood up, ready now for a hot shower and a comfortable bed. The sidewalk outside the café was lit by a glowing pearl of a moon in a navy sky filled with lying stars.

“Beautiful, aren’t they?” said a voice.

“Beautiful, maybe. But they sure as hell can’t be trusted,” she said, turning towards the voice, which was now chuckling. It belonged to a man with effervescent green eyes and a head full of shaggy black hair.

“I like your shoes,” he said.

Tue, 12 May 2009 16:58:34 GMT

Okay, so I've been signed up on OKCupid.com for like, years, joined to take all those tests, and this message I got today is easily the best thing anyone has ever said to me:

"Say Word!! Finally! A Horny!! Hot!! in plain view hip-hop fucking ..dick and clit loving...truant...weed smoking..cartoon watching..half naked funny attention starved word game playing novelist thats shy - but whose hair might be the same color as her favorite listed dessert and most times thinks the world revolves around her and/or her reflection....right here! live and direct? on the internet....who woulda fucking thunk it?? I could go for some of all of that!!
Holla Back!!"

Thu, 30 Apr 2009 16:32:14 GMT

Ugh, I'm such a goddamn jackass I don't even wanna show my face at work today.

And everyone will wanna dress like me, wait and see

Wed, 25 Mar 2009 14:57:22 GMT

Hey look, I'm a model!

Okay you probably have to work to be technically considered a model. But still!

Tue, 27 Jan 2009 16:57:38 GMT

HOLY MOTHERFUCKING SHIT, Cannameds got me APPROVED! This is the best goddamn news EVVVVARRRRRR!!! Now I just have to go down there and get my card and tell my probation officer and I CAN SMOKE AGAIN! YAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

In other news, Josh chopped off an eighth of his finger at work, through the bone. Thank God since he did it at work he doesn't have to pay the medical bills, but my God. And my dumb ass this morning accidentally touched it or hit it or something and he was screaming in pain and now he's at the hospital. So um, I suck.

Longer entry coming later, today I reallllly have to write my second assignment which is due um, on Friday. I'd written about half of it before I went back and read the instructions again and realized I'd done it wrong, so now I have to start over and all my ideas are balls. So that sucks, but WEED!!!!

Fri, 05 Dec 2008 21:11:24 GMT

I feel hopeless right now.

It's nothing really in particular, just bills and no money because of no business and trying to deal with all of Josh's problems and the fury over not being able to smoke a bowl to make this all a little more manageable. But truly, right now I just feel like life is just a whole lot of work and the moments of pleasure aren't enough to make it worthwhile. I wanna talk to somebody, my mom or my dad or Dani or somebody, but I feel like all I would do is just sit there and cry and I'm wearing a whole lot of black eye makeup right now so that would be a terrible idea.

Wed, 05 Nov 2008 15:54:07 GMT

THANK YOU AMERICA!

Sun, 27 Jul 2008 19:04:42 GMT

iTunes on shuffle. First line (um, or two) of first 15 songs that play. You guys guess the song/band. Thanks, Amanda!

1. He always liked to paint with his sunglasses on
2. Train roll on, on down the line, won't you please take me far away
3. When she walks, she swings her arms instead of her hips
4. There we stand about to fly, peeking down over land
5. It seems like a lifetime since I've felt like a prisoner of my dreams
6. If you're going to San Francisco, be sure to wear some flowers in your hair (no fair)
7. I'm sailing away, set on open course for the virgin seas
8. Hands are shakin got your finger on the trigger
9. When I'm dreaming I'm guided to another world
10. In the middle of his life he left his wife
11. Coming hardcore looking like a gangster bitch
12. I dream that someday we'll be able to look back on this together and say it was for the best
13. I got the blues from my baby left me by the San Francisco bay
14. (Cheating 'cause the first song that played for this was "Without a Median" by my brother, and all he says in the song is "Ba da da da da da da" etc) It's been a hard days night, and I've been workin like a dog
15. This the story of Lucy in the sky with diamonds, ask her why she cryin

Few freebees there it seems, haha. And two of mine were covers, too. Guess which!

Everyone's doing it

Thu, 24 Jul 2008 15:00:54 GMT

That Personality Test :: Your Results
The latest personality test from ThatSurveySite... now featuring more and better questions than ever!

Emotional (67%)	[.......\|\|\|..........]	Logical (33%)
Concerned about self (51%)	[....................]	Concerned about others (49%)
Atheist (98%)	[\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|..........]	Religious (2%)
Loner (39%)	[..........\|\|........]	Dependent (61%)
Laid-back (74%)	[.....\|\|\|\|\|..........]	Driven (26%)
Traditional (32%)	[..........\|\|\|\|......]	Rebel (68%)
Impetuous (61%)	[........\|\|..........]	Organized (39%)
Engineering mind (44%)	[..........\|.........]	Artistic mind (56%)
Cynical (66%)	[.......\|\|\|..........]	Idealist (34%)
Follower (46%)	[..........\|.........]	Leader (54%)
Introverted (22%)	[..........\|\|\|\|\|\|....]	Extroverted (78%)
Conservative (33%)	[..........\|\|\|.......]	Liberal (67%)
Logical (24%)	[..........\|\|\|\|\|.....]	Romantic (76%)
Uninterested (17%)	[..........\|\|\|\|\|\|\|...]	Sexual (83%)
Insecure (47%)	[..........\|.........]	Confident (53%)
Selective (60%)	[........\|\|..........]	Tolerant (40%)
Pessimistic (58%)	[........\|\|..........]	Optimistic (42%)
Principled (45%)	[..........\|.........]	Pragmatic (55%)
Tolerant (35%)	[..........\|\|\|.......]	Opinionated (65%)
Humble (40%)	[..........\|\|........]	Elitist (60%)

Take the test!

Feel like this is pretty accurate.

Tue, 15 Jul 2008 16:58:27 GMT

3Oh!3 is BLOWING UP...I went into Bart's the other day to buy their new CD and they were sold out. Also I heard them on the radio twice yesterday. The first time was on the way to work, I was in a bad mood cause I was PMSing and on a double, and "Don't Trust Me" came on and I blasted it and started rocking out. I guess I didn't realize the guys in the truck behind me could see me, but I pulled into my spot at PJ's and they actually stopped their car to get a good look at me.

Sun, 20 Apr 2008 08:22:36 GMT

Holy crap, warm weather makes me feel so fucking good! I can't wait till our pool opens, I will be there every single day.

I neeeeeed to write tomorrow, I have so many excellent things to say that I can't put together till I wake up.

Guess who's back in the mothafuckin house...

Wed, 02 Apr 2008 00:39:10 GMT

Hooooly shit. 311 announced their summer tour and they are playing with Snoop Dogg! No fucking way! This is going to be huge, and Dani you'd BETTER FUCKING COME

Sat, 01 Mar 2008 16:35:42 GMT

I am hoping to God that I can get one or more days off next weekend, because I just found out about this, and there's nothing that sounds better to me right now than pub crawls, ghost stories, coffin races and brain freeze contests!

Sun, 03 Feb 2008 13:51:58 GMT

I leave for Mexico in less than 24 hours!

Bomb ass Saturday night ($235!). Tomorrow I am bartending for the Pasta Jay's Superbowl party and will hopefully walk with another couple hundred. Then it is time for pina coladas and legal Xanax on the beach, baby!

Also, I'm watching Sister Sister and I can't really believe I used to like this show, like a lot.

Wed, 16 Jan 2008 19:01:44 GMT

ANGER
1. Who did you last get angry with? Josh, even though it was unfounded because I woke up at 1am and he was gone, but he had told me where he was going, I was just half asleep and didn't remember it.

2. What is your weapon of choice? Um, my boyfriend, he knows Muay Thai

3. Would you hit a member of the opposite sex? Yes, definitely

4. How about of the same sex? Yes, I hate bitches

5. Who was the last person who got really angry at you? Josh for being right about how to spell roulette

6. What is your pet peeve? People whose idea of managing is walking around clapping their hands and yelling "get to work!"

7. Do you keep grudges, or can you let things go? Mostly I keep them, though it really depends on my relationship with that person (like for example, Dani, who I have absolutely no grudge against even after all the times we denounced our friendship. On the other hand, Andrea can go to hell and die)

SLOTH
1. What is one thing you're supposed to do daily that you have not done in a long time? Take my vitamins

2. What is the latest you've ever woken up? Probably like 2pm, I can't sleep late for the life of me but there was that one summer I was sleeping till 2 every day.

3. Name a person you've been meaning to contact, but haven't: Jessie, she called me this weekend and I have not called her back...

4. What is the last lame excuse you made? I don't remember, usually I just fess up to being an idiot.

5. Have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through? Yes, some kind of ab hardening product, and cooking ones

6. How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock today? None, I never hit snooze because I'm up by 7:45 with or without the alarm. I think that has changed so dramatically from college because most of the time in college, I didn't really HAVE to go to class, so I'd try to convince myself to go but then end up sleeping in, but if I don't show up at work it's an entirely different story.

GLUTTONY

1. What is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice? Red Bull, Vitamin Water

2. Do you eat the skin of off chicken? Oh yes.

3. Have you ever used a professional diet company? Erm, no.

4. Are you anorexic? Definitely not

5. Do you prefer sweets, salty foods, or spicy foods? Spicy! LOOOOOVE spicy. I used to have an insatiable sweet tooth but now I can't happily eat a lot of sugar because I know what it does to me.

6. Have you ever looked at a small house pet or child and thought, lunch? No.

LUST

1. How many people have you seen naked? Right, if porn counts then it's an entirely different number, but I'm gonna guess like, 30? More if you count people I didn't mean to see naked (like my dad, ew, or girls in locker rooms)

2. How many people have seen YOU naked? A bunch. Including whoever was driving down Belleview that one night in high school.

3. Have you ever caught yourself staring at the chest/crotch of the opposite sex during a normal conversation? BOOBS

5. What is your favorite body part on the opposite sex? I always think this is an annoying question...luckily for me Josh has the perfectly proportioned most gorgeous body. I do have a thing for guys with long hair, and a nice chest is always a bonus, but again, this question sucks. Oh yeah and I do love cock.

6. Have you ever been propositioned by a prostitute? No.

7. Have you ever had to get tested for an STD or pregnancy? Yes, multiple times for both

GREED
1. How many credit cards do you own? None unless you count my Victoria's Secret card and my Target card, neither of which I ever use

2. What's your guilty pleasure store? Sephora, Victoria's Secret

3. If you had $1 million, what would you do with it? 1. Quit my job. 2. Celebrate quitting my job. 3. Travel. (I'm copying Jessy's answer)

4. Would you rather be rich, or famous? Rich

5. Would you accept a boring job if it meant you would make megabucks? Yes, there are worse things than boring

6. Have you ever stolen anything? Eh, a lip gloss here and there, but nothing serious.

7. How many MP3s are on your hard drive? like 2500

PRIDE

1. What one thing have you done that you're most proud of? Um, being mostly self-sustaining?

2. What one thing have you done that your parents are most proud of? Probably graduating from college, and getting "promoted" (even though I'm pretty sure I make less now)

3. What thing would you like to accomplish in your life? Publish a book, hopefully more than one

5. Have you ever entered a contest of skill, knowing you were of much higher skill? No, but I did take a beginners piano class for the easy A (which I barely got, stupid attendance policy) even though I've played since I was 4

6. Have you ever cheated on something to get a higher score? Whenever possible

7. What did you do today that you're proud of? Nothing yet

ENVY

1. What item of your friends' would you most want to have for your own? Dani's apartment

2. Who would you want to go on "Trading Spaces" with? I don't know what that show's about

3. If you could be anyone else in the world, who would you be? I like me!

4. Have you ever been cheated on? I don't THINK so...I'm pretty sure Parker was seeing that other girl before we broke up, but we were in an "open relationship" (and I was also dating Pbear) so that doesn't really count (I also had an open relationship with Walker and I have no idea if he hooked up with anyone else...nor do I really care)...and that night I slept over at Pbear's and woke up and he was with another girl we had technically already broken up, so that doesn't really count either. The other guys I've been with I'm 99% sure didn't cheat on me, though I know Clark tried. Bastard.

5. Have you ever wished you had a physical feature different? Like every other female ever. (Ditto)

6. What inborn trait do you see in others that you wish you had for yourself? I'm soooo goddamn spacey, which has been my most annoying trait lately, but I don't really know what the opposite of that is

7. Do you wish you'd come up with this survey? It's good, but not GREAT

last library book checked out: Books for papers in college, I just buy the book cause God knows I won't return it in time, if ever (I had almost $800 worth of library fines in college) (PS, does saying "when I was in college" make anyone else feel old?)
last movie seen in a theatre: Either The Golden Compass or Fred Claus, though I didn't see more than 10 minutes of either because I was wasted and the dark made me go to sleep.
last cuss word uttered: It doesn't really matter which, I've used all of them today I'm sure and it's not even noon. I have a dirty mouth.
last beverage drank: Naked Superfood (I love that shit)
last food consumed: A Qdoba burrito last night
last phone call: The vet
last tv show watched: Right now some travel show is on, but I'm not watching it
last shoes worn: My all-purpose black flats
Last cd played: 311 Music is in my car currently (I swear I listen to other bands)
last item bought: $187 worth of x-rays and special food for my dumb ass cat who can't stay out of the damn trash
last thing downloaded: Um....? I never download anything lately, and I'm sick of all my music, I suck
last annoyance: Paying $187 at the vet
last disappointment: That I fell asleep before I could see the rest of Batman Begins last night
last soda drank: Sprite at work like a week ago when I was hungover
last ice cream eaten: It's been a while...
last time trippin on drugs?: 311
last time in love: Still there.
last time hugged: This morning.
last shirt worn: Yellow CU hoodie
last time dancing: Been too long

LASTS...

1 MINUTE AGO: This.
1 HOUR AGO: Reading The Girl in the Flammable Skirt at the vet
1 DAY AGO: At work, bored out of my mind cause it was dead
1. What do you most like about your body? My lips, my legs
2. And least? Dittoing Jessy on the pale skin, stringy hair and beer belly. Also I wish my boobs and ass were bigger.
3. How many fillings do you have? 2
4. Do you think you're good looking? Yes
5. Do other people tell you that you're good looking? Yes

FIRSTS

First job: Lifeguarding
first screen name: Keroppi117 (Yeah I was like 11 and I really liked Hello Kitty, shut up)
First funeral: My maternal grandpa's
First pet: Cat named Shadows who was really my sister's but mine once she went to college.
First piercing: ears at age 12 or so
First Kiss: Tom Carter when I was 15
First one that mattered: That one, I guess
First Lust: I was obsessed with Ryan O'Connor when I was 9 years old, if you can count that as lust
First love: Clark
First enemy: Ehh...Greenwald? I really have no idea, I just know I hate that kid

Wed, 02 Jan 2008 16:21:40 GMT

All morning I haven't been able to get rid of the lump in my throat or the butterflies in my stomach. I would like nothing more than to be able to get out of work this morning but sadly that is impossible.

After a brief stint consisting of three shifts I've decided, fuck managing. Fuck it in its ass. The money is not good enough, and I don't care enough about a stupid restaurant, to be under this much stress.

Promoted!

Sat, 08 Dec 2007 17:02:46 GMT

So... Leanne pulled me into her "office" (the restaurant's back room) the other day and asked if I'd like to start managing! I have mixed feelings about this but the biggest thing on my mind right now is money and how I sure could use some more of it. So I am going to try it out and see how things go. I am really pretty proud of this, especially after going completely unappreciated at Dolan's for 2 years. I've only worked at Pasta Jay's for 4 months! So this pretty much rules.

Sat, 03 Nov 2007 05:56:08 GMT

Holy crap Liz had her baby!

You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere

Sat, 27 Oct 2007 23:15:17 GMT

We were discussing Halloween costumes at work and this girl Ashley was like "Don't take this the wrong way...but you should totally go as Barbie!" and I am all over that. I know what I'm going to do for makeup and hair (bright blue shadow, glitter liner, fake lashes, hot pink lips, BIG hair), but what the hell should I wear? I was thinking about doing "Original Barbie" but she's just in a swimsuit and it's always way too damn cold for that. Thoughts?